The tendency of a person to fall in love with different people is a well-known fact. In the modern post-Soviet space, the behavioral marriage pattern in the form of serial monogamy prevails rather-when a person repeatedly enters into paired and marital relations sequentially during his life-marriage, divorce, then remarriage or cohabitation. And there may be several such unions during life. People come to the conclusion that when falling in love ends, it turns out that there is a discrepancy of characters, a decrease in sexual desire and there comes a life about which family boats are beating.
The ability to simultaneously experience romantic feelings and sexual desire for several people is also an urgent reality for many. It happens that people live for years, having constant mistresses and lovers, illegitimate children. These relationships are not always known to the spouses, and sometimes the spouses pretend that they are not known and keep the marriage. They say that " a good leftist strengthens a marriage." And there is also an expression: a triangle is a stable figure, even if all the parties know about each other and are in conflict. The forum regularly raises the topics of infidelity and everything related to it.
Therefore, polyamory in modern conditions of openness of information, globalization, changes in the institution of family and marriage has its own special significance and spread, and, although it is not a mass phenomenon, it raises a number of questions, which I will talk about later.
Polyamory is a simultaneous romantic and sexual love relationship with several partners at once, there are many variations of these relationships. But the fundamental principles in these families, unions, triads or communes, if all partners live together, is everyone's freedom-autonomy, openness-i.e. all partners know each other, know who is who to whom, not necessarily everyone has sexual relations with everyone, but the conditions, rules in relationships, loyalty issues are carefully discussed and agreements are reached. It is assumed that polyamorous relationships are built on equal partnership principles.
Metamores are the main partners-spouses of people who enter into relationships with third parties, but known to all members of the family system (commune), and polyamores themselves say that with the help of such relationships, those needs of polyamores are satisfied - sexual, emotional, which are insufficiently satisfied in the main couple.
The main striking phenomenon of feelings in polyamorous relationships is considered to be compersion – this is the ability to experience pleasure and happiness from the fact that the partner is happy in love and sex with another person, and so that the feeling of love is experienced more fully and deeply. Of course, in these relationships, group sexual contacts are possible and practiced, but not always and necessarily, where everyone feels love and tenderness for each other. Thus, compersion is interpreted as a feeling opposite to jealousy.
However, the concepts of polyamory and various other group family and sexual relations should be especially separated.
For example, swinging and meetings with the purpose of group sex for joint recreation and a variety of sexual life without forming close emotional relationships.
Or, polygamy is a family marriage relationship in which there are several wives, and such a marriage is called polygeny, or several husbands-respectively, polyandry. Such marriages are officially allowed in some countries, are supported religiously, and they are based on a hierarchical principle – there is a head of the family and its subordinate members.
There is an opinion that polyamory is evolutionarily a step higher than monogamous relationships, because in order to be able to build polyamorous relationships, you need to be able to build relationships with at least one partner – accept it as it is, without unnecessary expectations, requirements, be able to negotiate and fulfill agreements.
But my observations in video sources with the participation of polyamores, their metamores, as well as personal communication with polyamorous people still give me reasons for questions.
Questions of identity that can arise in a person – is a particular person really polymorphic, able to love several partners at the same time? As I see it, in such families, despite the declaration of the idea of compersion, friendly host guest relations, rather strict agreements on the regulation of the time and place of meetings, there are still issues of jealousy, loneliness, fear of breaking relations, sadness after the meetings are over. And then a compromise, when the third (or subsequent) is not superfluous , is not a means and a way of living through crisis family, personal and neurotic states?
Questions of the structure of the family system, intra-system boundaries and the impact on the development of children. There are subsystems in the family system – parent and child, sibling. Children, as the most vulnerable and in need of care, obey and are loyal to the parental subsystem, and metaphorically speaking, their spiritual life "flows" where the love of parents flows. There are opinions that in the polyamorous system there is a risk of developing the so-called multiple reality in children, due to the fact that the parent subsystem is blurred, as it were. I can assume that this can be a stressful load in some sense, although not necessarily with a negative context, because stress itself is also a developing environment. There are conflicting opinions about what this can lead to, polar-from mental pathology to the formation of a more adaptive, intellectually and socially developed person, as evidenced by the research data of Australian scientists, referred to in his lecture by psychiatrist, sexologist D. D. Isaev.
I would like to note the fact that before the appearance of property rights and the issues of its inheritance, people, as social beings, often lived in communities in which there were no marriages as such, but there were freely chosen unions, communes, children belonged to the mother's family, since the question of paternity was open, but not relevant. And now there are tribes living in the same communities, with the existence of a variety of forms of sexual practices, common children, rules and upbringing of children. Thus, polyamory is not a well-forgotten old " new " phenomenon? Is this a new round of the evolution of love, taking into account, among other things, the idea of compersion? Perhaps, in a society where the patterns of tolerance are most developed, the conditions for greater openness of this phenomenon in society are simply organically created?
In conclusion, I would like to say that in matters of love and the choice of certain forms of relationships, there is no single correct answer and it would be strange to observe some strict regulation of them from someone's side.